Learning to fly

One of my best friend’s said that this post “def needs to be in the blog.” I hadn’t thought to mention this before, but she raises a compelling point. I believe it’s important to open up about our struggles and tough moments, as they might resonate with someone else who is going through similar experiences. For the past seven years, I have suffered with a debilitating fear of flying. It’s crazy for me to think about this journey because I grew up traveling with my parents who took us on vacations every summer when my mom was off from teaching school. My first plane ride was to Disney World when I was 8 years old. I don’t really recall the why or how I became scared of flying initially, but I do know when I was younger I was always apprehensive of flying. I would get on the plane and be nervous, but it was never that bad.

The fear became increasingly worse the older I became. I remember being a freshman in high school and watching the footage of 9/11 and planes being used as vehicles of terror, death, and destruction. Those images will forever be burned into my mind and I thought that maybe planes weren’t that safe if they were being used as weapons. Not too long after that event, we had plans to travel to Paris and I was so certain that I was going to die that I wrote out my last will and testament. Dramatic, I know (I am a Leo after all), but nothing was going to convince me that I was safe.

I survived the plane ride to Paris (shocker) and flew nervously for another decade plus going to all sorts of different places both domestically and internationally. It wasn’t until I turned 30 when the fear truly became crippling. My husband and I hit a rough patch in our marriage when I pushed to move across the country to Portland, OR. I was stagnant in my career and felt I needed to leave the East Coast to pursue other opportunities in a new area. My husband was not thrilled about the move and decided to stay behind at first. I remember leaving not knowing if it was the end of our marriage. On the way to Portland I had a layover in Detroit and on the first flight, we ended up hitting weather and there was pretty bad turbulence the whole way. The plane was nearly empty so I am sitting alone, bouncing around, and the reality hits that I am moving to a place I have never been and not knowing a single soul there. I had my first panic attack on that plane. I remember bargaining with God and vowing that if I survived the plane ride, I absolutely WOULD NOT get on the next plane to Portland and that I would drive instead. So that’s how I ended up driving from Detroit to Portland on a cross-country adventure.

In the first few years, my trips back to Philadelphia to see family were few and far between. This was primarily due to a combination of fear and financial constraints. I felt little desire to travel, as I immersed myself in exploring the beauty of my new home state, Oregon. However, whenever I did fly, I was met with the overwhelming grip of panic attacks, which left me with distressing physical symptoms that could linger for days before a flight. Even with medication, I would shake uncontrollably, cry, experience a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, stomach issues, and numbness in my extremities. Enduring such a prolonged state of fight or flight was nothing short of torturous. The toll flying took on my body often left me feeling utterly drained, making it seem hardly worth the effort. To make matters more isolating, I felt as though no one truly understood what I was going through. Well-meaning friends would often share statistics comparing the safety of flying to driving, but this reasoning did nothing to alleviate my anxiety. I even tried to talk to a therapist but she deemed my anxiety too complex for her to handle and wanted to refer me to someone else. I was on my own for this.

With the rise of social media in recent years, when my anxiety was at its worst, my husband suggested joining a group online for fear of flying. So I logged onto Facebook and joined the Fear of Flying Forum and I was instantly supported by thousands of people around the world with the same fear I had. Pilots and industry experts would take questions and post to the group regarding common anxieties or explain certain aviation processes. One valuable aspect I took advantage of was having someone monitor my flight and provide support throughout the journey. Having a cheerleader on the ground made a significant difference for me. Whenever I flew, I opted to purchase in-flight wifi so I could stay in touch with my flight tracker. Additionally, I made sure to reciprocate by offering encouragement and tracking to someone else who needed it. This forum has truly been invaluable to me and helped me have the courage to not only fly, but ween myself off of medication for flying as well.

A significant turning point in my journey to overcome my fear of flying occurred last year when I began my grad program. I enrolled in a class that included an international immersion experience in Brussels, Belgium, and I knew this would mean traveling alone to meet my classmates. Determined to face my fear, I made a commitment to myself that I would make the trip. I had to get there to pass the class after all. The day of departure arrived, and as I was dropped off at the airport, I summoned every ounce of courage I had. To my surprise, both of my flights went incredibly smoothly. I struck up conversations with my seat-mates and even found myself binge-watching Schitt’s Creek, laughing and genuinely enjoying the experience. When we touched down in Amsterdam, tears welled up in my eyes as I realized I had done it—I had flown solo on an international flight, despite my anxiety. Upon meeting my classmates and professor, I excitedly shared how much this trip meant to me and the challenges I had overcome to get there. In that moment, I felt a profound sense of achievement; I knew that, for me, the hardest part of the journey was already behind me.

2024 has been my busiest year for flying so far. I’ve traveled to Amsterdam, London, Philadelphia, Spokane, and Palm Springs. This year is shaping up to be just as hectic, having already visited Ireland in January and preparing for a trip to Romania next week. For anyone who struggles with a fear of flying, my advice is simple: just do it. I’ve had to actively push myself onto planes, facing that discomfort head-on. With each flight, I gradually helped my brain adapt to the routine. It truly felt like I was training my mind to embrace this experience.

Another helpful resource I use regularly is YouTube. I enjoy travel vlogs, particularly from creators like TrekTrendy and NonStop Dan, as well as flight attendant channels, with Kat Nesbitt being my favorite. Following these content creators, who engage in this lifestyle both professionally and for enjoyment, has made flying feel more routine for me, and now I find myself wanting to do it all the time! Ultimately, my goal is to accumulate enough air miles for a first-class ticket that includes one of those lie-flat beds. I just want to sip on unlimited bubbles while onboard and feel rich. That would be the epitome of luxury!

Currently, media coverage of aviation accidents is on the rise, which can be particularly unsettling for those of us dealing with anxiety around flying. It’s crucial to recognize that the media can often amplify fear, and it’s important to rely on factual information and insights from industry experts. I know that recent aviation incidents would have significantly impacted me during my peak anxiety years. However, by focusing on what I know to be true and heeding words of encouragement—rather than “wallowing in trauma,” as my best friend puts it—I was able to board my recent flight to Philadelphia. This positive mindset is what will carry me forward as I prepare for my next big adventure.

Once I realized what I was missing out on: life, and the world, I decided that this fear was not going to consume me. Just feel the fear and do it anyway. I promise you, the risk is absolutely worth the reward!