expectation vs. reality

I think I’m finally starting to recover from a whirlwind April, which took me to four countries in just four weeks. I’m definitely not complaining—it was exciting, and the fast-paced travel made the month fly by. On top of that, we had a double holiday here: Easter, followed immediately by Labor Day on May 1. Labor Day here is also known as International Workers’ Day, and it’s celebrated in many countries around the world to recognize the labor movement and the contributions of workers, especially the fight for fair wages, safe working conditions, and the eight-hour workday. I marked the occasion by spending time with friends, enjoying a picnic in the park with the traditional dish mici, and topping it all off with some gelato.

Last weekend I also had the opportunity to volunteer at the Uphill Running Championship which was held 30 kilometers outside of Timişoara in a village called Bencecul de Jos. I have not had the opportunity to explore much outside of the city so I was very grateful tagging along with the race director. The course was pretty straightforward—essentially a 1km out-and-back up a paved hill. Since Timişoara is mostly flat, anyone looking to do hill training usually has to drive out that way to find any real elevation gain. The race itself was a “last man standing” format, where the time limit to complete each lap got shorter and shorter, forcing runners to pick up the pace with every round. Anyone who couldn’t make the cutoff was eliminated. My role was to refill water, which sounds easy, but as the only person refilling water bottles as packs of runners come back from the hill, I was pretty busy! I love volunteering at running events because, as a runner myself, I don’t need to speak the local language to understand what the athletes need. Helping out at the race gave me a boost of energy I didn’t realize I’d been missing.

Overall, I have been contemplating and reflecting on my journey in Romania so far. I am trying not to get caught up or pressure myself into answering the question of “what’s next?” and just enjoy the rest of my time here. As someone who is a Type A overachiever, this is extremely hard. This experience will culminate in a major life shift, but I’m just not sure what that is yet and it is a very uncomfortable place to be in.

I fall into the trap of only sharing good moments and short updates on social media but the reality is that with this experience I have had to remain extremely flexible. What I was hoping for as a mid-career professional was obtaining a new set of skills that I could bring back or something that could bolster my already chaotic resume. That isn’t really the case. A hard reality I’ve had to face was that I will not be getting any NGO experience – which was, I suppose, an expectation that I have had since very early on. Communication with a local nonprofit started off strong and moved quickly, but things took a turn toward the end of March. I stopped by their office in person, only to find that my main contact wasn’t there that day. I did meet some of the other volunteers, who told me more about the organization’s work and how I might be able to contribute. At that point, all that was left was to sign a volunteer contract—but I had to wait for my contact to return. I followed up with an email, but there has been no response.

This experience and dead-end has led me to think about the why behind the motivation behind wanting NGO experience. It’s true that an NGO feels more aligned to my career background than working for another corporation. I do want to ultimately end up doing meaningful work that actually contributes to the greater good of the world – an NGO would be perfect for that but I can’t help but feel that I am forcing myself into another box that maybe isn’t the best fit after all. Did I seriously want to volunteer for an NGO or was I only pursuing it because it will look good on my resume? Am I doing it because I truly want to or because that’s what others want of me?

My career has been a patchwork of experiences—some that make perfect sense in hindsight, and others that feel a bit more disconnected. Running my own small business was one of the most fulfilling chapters, albeit a hard one; it gave me complete creative freedom and a sense that I was serving the community in a unique, meaningful way. Lately, I’ve felt a renewed motivation to start something of my own again. I’ve even brainstormed the idea of returning to hospitality, which consistently feels like the space where I’m most aligned with myself. If this recent experience has taught me anything, it’s the importance of trusting my gut—when something feels off or overly difficult, it’s often a sign that it’s not the right fit. I’ve been grappling with the NGO work since December, mostly due to ongoing delays and poor communication, which has gradually turned into a sense of frustration and even dread. At the end of the day, I’ve come to realize that if you’re not genuinely excited about what you’re doing, it might not be the right path to pursue.

Since moving to Bend a few years ago, I’ve developed a deep passion for volunteering at races. It’s a meaningful way for me to support the running community while also putting my hospitality skills to good use. As a long-distance runner myself, I can easily empathize with participants—anticipating their needs and recognizing potential challenges before they arise. Given the slow communication with my NGO contact, I came up with a backup plan early on: volunteering at local races here in Romania. I’ve really enjoyed using sport as a bridge for connection, allowing me to meet and engage with people in the local running scene. Since then, I’ve fully immersed myself in this work, and throughout the month, I’ll be busy volunteering at various races. It’s the kind of work that feels most aligned with who I am. Volunteering at races never feels like a chore; instead, it recharges me and constantly reminds me of the incredible things people are capable of achieving.

As I begin to reflect on what’s next for me and my family, I’m learning to make peace with what this experience has been—embracing both the clarity and the uncertainty. More importantly, I’m learning to truly listen to my intuition. These past few weeks have been filled with reflection, and while I don’t have all the answers yet, I trust that this journey is guiding me toward where I’m meant to be and how I can best serve in the next chapter.