It’s hot and I’m cranky. Very cranky. My body temperature hasn’t been able to regulate and there is no relief from the scorching heat and oppressive humidity in Timişoara. No one quite prepared me for how…swampy it gets here. I can’t sleep and I haven’t been able to get anything done due to the brain fog I have had all week. I feel like my insides are burning and I am constantly sticky from sweating all day and night. I feel like Shrek in his swamp.
The late nights, constant travel, and non-stop activity have finally taken their toll on me. As my time here comes to a close, I feel proud of what I’ve accomplished. It wasn’t exactly what I envisioned or expected, but I’ve formed meaningful connections and gained a deeper understanding of myself and different cultures. At the same time, I realize now that I overextended myself. I arrived in Romania already burned out from the daily grind back home, and my nervous system has slowly found balance again. Now, I’m just physically drained from trying to absorb every moment and make the most of this experience.
I’ve also felt a constant pressure to prove myself while I’ve been here. It’s not just about proving my worth to others, but also to myself. I needed to validate that I was the right person for this opportunity, to show that I am capable and deserving of the time I’ve taken away from home. Even though I know this pressure is self-imposed, there’s always that nagging voice in my head urging me to do more, to push harder, and questioning if I’m truly doing enough.
Now that my time is winding down, I am desperate for my own space again. Being an older student in dormitory housing WAS NOT on my Erasmus bingo card. My intention was to arrive here and be in the dorm until I found an apartment of my own. I decided to stay after I allocated my grant money towards traveling, and being with my roommates wasn’t that bad. In fact, I am surprised with how much I like them considering I had a very hard time living with others when I was an undergraduate student. At this point in my life, I’m really used to having my own space and being in control of my environment, with my own routine and schedule. So, adjusting to everyone else’s needs has been very difficult. Honestly, I feel like an old curmudgeon—like I’m the type of person who will yell at kids to get off my lawn. But I really just need some peace and quiet and some time alone to recharge.
Speaking of which, I am never alone. According to my Myer’s Briggs personality type, I am an extrovert. I like being social and I like being with people. BUT, I am really never alone. I knew that being in the dorm would be somewhat “forced community” which is great for someone who is an international student. Ultimately, I am glad that I chose to stay, but even for someone who likes people, I am struggling with having no personal space. There has been no reprieve. I went on one solo trip at the end of May and it was like a breath of fresh air being in my own company. But right now, I am ready to have a meltdown. My roommates are young, vibrant and in the best years of their lives and I’m genuinely happy for them! But they are always there. I’m trying to remember what I was doing at their age—surely I wasn’t always hanging out in the dorm? I’m starting to feel a little old, but honestly, I’m just tired. It’s like my inner mom is crying out for a break or a very strong drink. Mom needs her medicine.
As my time in the dorms comes to an end, I’m realizing that even the most social extrovert needs some peace and quiet. Sure, I’ve loved the connections I’ve made and the experiences I’ve had, but being surrounded by people 24/7? It’s enough to make even the most outgoing soul question their life choices. I’ve learned that solitude isn’t just a luxury, it’s a survival tactic. As I move into the next chapter, I’m eagerly anticipating the peace and quiet that comes with having my own space again—well, my own space, minus my husband and dog, of course. Sometimes, a little time alone is exactly what we need to recharge and appreciate the chaos we’ve come from… or created.
Run. Sip. Serve. 
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